this was written yesterday

tick tock tick tock
the close is on going
time is getting short
the end is coming

4 more days
count down to the end
2008 and 2007 of torture
hip hip hooray for me

i hope
i wish
our paths would never cross
lies would not resurface

it was never finished
this wasnt written as a poem
none of the words rhymed
it was written in the form of a poem
of my thoughts
and feelings at work
you wont know how tortures work felt yesterday
for a person who loves working
i'm starting to hate it
it feels like a torture
you still dont know what is going on
why do you even bother
i think you only message after reading my entries
by the time you get the message everything would have been gone
so much for forever friends
wow

i hate half conversations
i hate how you like to stop replying
i hate how you cant talk to me in person instead you rely on messages
i hate how i always have to be the one to talk to you in person
i hate how you like to say everything seems fine when you yourself in person shows that it's not especially since you cant even come over to pass me the float box. rather just leaving it there where the whole wide world can see it and anyone can just take it
i hate what things are right now
i hate this one phrase which i cant believe i have to ever use it since i once believe this friendship is so strong that it can withstand anything.
I CANT BELIEVE A GUY CAN RUIN OUR FRIENDSHIP
and i'm debating if i want to add in one more word into the sentence and where to put it
'PATHETIC'

i dont know what to say
what else to say
what else to comment

a mistake
that's all i got to say
nothing but a wrong choice
where life takes a huge turn down

the word is not i hate
the word is not i love
there is too much hate for friends
too much love for enemies

played my cards
over and over again
anticipating moves
adjusting along the way

9 more days
till the game ends
but i'm giving only 6
for new beginnings

6 more days
i played my cards out
gone in a swift
with nothing more to hold

giving a full play
for a long lasting game
tired of everything
it's time to end it all

6 more days

hmmm
i know where i'm going
sounds promising now
but i doubt it'll last
today i had the feeling of low i guess
glenn noticed that i was happier the past few days compared to my usual
i agree
maybe it was the chocolate
maybe it was something else
but i know today it wasnt there
instead i just stoned
thank goodness to time flying by

i dont wanna reply
i need my time
i dont wanna answer
i was holding my phone then

i dont know if i changed much
but i know you did
i dont really care if it didnt affect me
but apparently it did

so guess what
this ends this year
when the place close down
so does all this
so does all this

dont know what is going through my head
maybe i know
maybe i dont
or maybe it's the thought of knowing this isnt much of a private blog anymore
but then again it's my blog
i havent been back into the stage i was before
atleast in the past 4 days
i was different
i can feel myself slowly going back in again
because i can feel the lies again
and it sucks
what the hell
9 more days
and i say my goodbyes

i wonder what you're thinking
i wonder what i was thinking
i wonder why everyone is such a liar

for once
i just realise
i have sugar rush issues
this coming from a girl who doesnt understand why jade and brenda goes high over chocolate
and i went high over log cake fudge
twice in two days
good and bad i guess
bad would be too much sudden boost in energy
and wow
i was kinda flying around the place on the first day
which was a first for me
during the second day
when azimah came
she was shocked to see me high too
and that is kinda bad
coz a lot of energy
and i was being a prankster today -.-
i throw someone's apron in aluminium
then in clean wrap
then in plastic bag
then in clean wrap once more
then into ice
i'm crazy
the good would be we finally talked
maybe coz i got her alone
for once in dont know how long
atleast for once
things feel normal
for how long?
i dont know
just that my day ended badly
and i think i send an unnecessary sms
that might make things bad
darn
sorry
if i get this every other day
i'm one step closer to heaven each day

dawn is coming in 1 hour 20 minutes

i havent argued with you
and i dont plan to start one now
atleast not over this dumb thing
i'm not risking another mistake from the past

NUMB
2 days of working so hard
no reaction
eff it man
eff it
seriously
NUMB where are you
time to come back now
i need to move on
i need to feel nothing

as usual
i'm such a liar
even to myself
i never do learn
going back in circles
again and again and again
never ending

christmas is coming soon
so is new year
after that bye
i'm counting down to the number of days
i'm free
being able to move on
never falling back in
14 more days

i know you'll be reading this
so read carefully
if he goes
i'm not
your choice.

i just realise
actually not really just realise
brenda is screaming at me now
coz i'm still pondering over what i just realised
400 buckaroos
on a lesson
that i should have known
it's 400
a freaking 400
people like pauline su jade jia yan sandy all stunned to hear
and guess what i got a feeling that my prediction is right
oh
what a thing to find out
like how booee went
i think it is true

so much lies are among a few sms
it says one
reality says two
people lie through sms
nothing is true
till they can prove it right in your face
- you will say i'm only saying it coz i'm suppose to but i wont
familiar?

- because it's not the words, it's the delivery
and your words and your delivery are failures

i dont know what to do here
i'm lost i guess
i hate being alone
and i think that loneliness is coming soon
next week
nevermind
i'll have a lot of time to make myself adjust back to this
soon
i just need time away
from everything
zoee is waiting for the time of ends to come
i couldnt be bothered as to which outlet i would go to next
i will let fate decide
i wont want to fight with fate
nor do i want
tired
i'll just go with the flow
enjoy my last few days
say good day
say good bye
i'm going
in life
trust no one but yourself
that is what alex says
michelle, earn it to be my nest friend
sorry

it's hard to find a good arguments this few days
say i'm sadistic/ weird etc
i cant find it
maybe i'm used to the old days
or maybe i just missed the old days
people say A but they do B
everyone
every single one is the same
yet
every single one defence the same line
how bull is that
haha
life is bull
weeeeee
to hell with it
life sucks
sorry is but a word of emptiness
from a bottle of lies
that went through the shadowy grave of life
i have no idea what bull shit i just wrote
but i like the sound i make when typing on a desktop keyboard
in the silence of the night
thinking of how to not think
about what is going on in my mind
and trying to type without a mistake
i need a way out
because i can see myself bullshitting right now
i'm going to bed

i had a dream
or you could call it a nightmare
i wonder if i should be bothered by it
it's the type of dream
in a way
if it came through
you're guilt-riden ( i think that's how you spell it)
but technically it's not my fault right
tehnically i shouldnt even be bothered by it
plus it's just a dumb dream
dreams are the opposite of reality
and it's only a menifestation of your subconscious
so i shouldnt be bothered at all
right?
then why do i feel guilt eating me from the inside out?
argh!
dilemma