do you know what's the most horrible thing about waking up today?
that i got separated from dreamland
i dont know if i should call it a sweet dream,
or a beautiful nightmare
it's one that i hoped was still around
the way i got up,
the way i felt my eyes were when i woke up
it felt as though i cried to myself when i was still sleeping
what a joke?
i wish i could say that
but i cant
i wish it was still around
but reality is opposite from dreams
i've never dream a vision of the future
i dream about the opposite of reality
thanks

i wanted to blog something online
on facebook
but i think i'll be whacked and cursed by dozens of people
or maybe more
but it's just something i've been observing for awhile
actually i've been mentioning to quite a number of people
it's the season for break ups
i've seen a lot happening
i've seen people getting hurt
whether it's long or short
perfect or wrong from the start

i was just thinking about something
like how artist paints, writer writes
people call them talents
after that, there are people in which who cant do any of this
then what are they known to the world?
just normal
nothing special of them
why is it that the world classifies them as such?
people became known for their talent because it is based on the intensity of their work
i'd like to think of it as people with 'talents'
are basically people who are more in tune to the creative part of the brain
for the 'normal' people, it's not they can or cannot write, draw or create
i would say they are just not in tune with their creative side
imagine picking up an instrument on the first day of band practice
you have an idea on what you want to pick as your instrument
but in terms of which instruments you suit depends on your lip structure and everything
but if doesnt mean you cant play some other instrument
it's just harder and you have to spend more time at it
just coz you're not that in tune with it
on top of that the more your learn to love your instrument,
the better you keep her in check and stuff

i dont really see myself as being able to write well
but going through my past entries
and knowing what brought me to write those
but i didnt harp on the issue
i just realise how emotions and experience brought me to write those
and how that has evolved my writing
and sharing my emotions

after not blogging in months,
going through the archives reminds me of things
trying not to think about things
rather i noticed my style of writing
i see more poetry in me then rather then now
not to say that i dont like it now
it's just that i didnt know i can write and seem to be proud of it
rhythm, writing, literature
give me some time again
i want to try starting again
the writing i mean
let's have fun writing.
haha
back soon

hmmm i had a tiring week.
rest for a day which was sunday
didnt even do any housework other then washing and hanging clothes
coz i need them like in a few hours?
the coming week is gonna be another packed day
work later till night
tuesday i'm having driving lessons, 2 slots
should i give up on one? after that i'm having work
wednesday i'm having driving in the morning
then meeting wen hui for lunch ( i think)
preview session at night
thursday i'll be having a day camp
and maybe dinner with junli at night?
friday driving in the morning and then work like whole day?
omg
junli 21st chalet on saturday
cant wait
but i havent done shopping yet
omg
i shall ask the rest
all the best to jy for tp later (:

just got back from prawning about an hour ago
a few things in my mind that's keeping me up i guess
sleepy eyes but not really wanting to sleep
all the issues in mind doesnt seem to be connected
i dont know how to put the first issue in words
but with the first issue in mind,
i dont really care about the second issue much now
the third issue,
well, i just went on facebook,
saw an invite,
stun at what my reply should be.
more, later

hey you!
it's been 6 years from yesterday
no change
i still miss you
wish you were here
wish you never left

let's see what i've done since i last blog
saturday was alan's farewell gathering
i just found out then
called the rest to see if they are going
coz if they are, i might
since i havent managed to found my replacement for sunday yet
haha
went after work and saw joanna, sc, cam, pauline, su, sara, anna, ju, fiona, jocelyn.
haha atleast people i know
just hung out a little for photo taking session
after that we left to go home
so pauline and cam had to walk the other direction to take nr 8
and the rest of us walked the other
anna sara and su were taking nr 1 while i'm taking nr 2
i walked in front with su
we reached the bus stop just to find anna coming after us saying
sara's at mac watching soccer
haha
oh well
they had their man u vs arsenal
damn funnie listening to their conversation
managed to find replacement for sunday
no work this week though
haha
except on friday
maybe saturday as well
should i???
or should i watch gforce
i want watch leh.
next week plans will be comfirmed tomorrow
hahahahah

i think i need to be stronger
i dont know
it's like i see the newsfeed and then i found out that some people can go on facebook and then not even bother to reply to it.
i really dont feel like it happening
can i just stop time here
never moving forward
never moving at all
or just drop dead now?
sounds good no?
i dont know
it's like going according to what i want
but i can just handle it?
like what the hell?
can i just disappear?
or maybe i just want to say
you're invited but i dont care if you're coming a not
argh!

PASSED!
wahahahahah
next stop 0709
haha
gotta start studying soon
let me relax a little first
ehhh
dont know what else to blog
when i get inspiration first
then i'll come back


i dont think at the end of the day
wo kan bu qi ni
i think i'm just not giving me a chance to believe

40/50
dang
i need the 6 more points to pass
i'm planning on doing 1 or 2 more test before i knock out later
check my developments
had work this morning
finslly got what i want
and then i hear more bad news
argh
maybe i should join everyone in leaving
but then i wont have anything to do
i also dont know what to do
maybe i should just dont do anything
about anything
dont know la
screwed
lost
confused
retarded

okay i skip a day of the test but nevermind
today's score was 42/50
omg
no good
nevermind
try again
i have work at 1230 and i'm still not redy for sleep yet
argh
after this i guess
i have loads to talk about
think about
decide about

firstly, i think i miss you?
i dont know what did i do and you stopped replying me
it's totally irritating
the least you could do is tell me to stop bugging you?

secondly, i think my life is pretty screwed
primary school mates which i lost contact with for 9 years coz i moved over suddenly started tagging me on fb
thanks to a photo someone published
and guess what, they're either in uni
melbourne?
new zealand?
and their either studying or graduated
or is it just me being slow
or is it just the system here

thirdly, i think i miss school?
coz apparently only when you're in school, you have friends?
i hate it when people dont reply
i hate it when i feel like shit and no one knows
i hate it when people want me, i'm there, but not the other way around
i hate it when i thought i have friends but i feel alone
i hate it that my 21 is coming and with this shit i'm feeling, i dont want it to come
it's like i'm back to square 1
feeling alone
again
times square

today's result- 43/50
improvements
wahahaha
i'm aiming perfect score
wahahhaha
anyway
did laundry today
did groccery as well
had dinner with mj
or lunch
or tea
i also dont know
basically met her like 4 to makan
had delifrance
and omg
the food is horrible
seriously
the standard dropped a lot
anyway tomorrow's agenda would be to clean the bathroom
gonna fold the clothes later
i wanna catch g force and proposal
anyone?

8 more days till my test
did a trial just now
40/50
fail
zZz
nevermind
i shall try again
everyday do once atleast
haha
still have things to do
find school
decide the big day
plan my time out
haha
got to clean house tomorrow before meeting mj
if i am meetinng her
most likely dinner time only
but i'm cool with that
so tomorrow need to
wash and fold clothes
vaccum and mop
toilet and shower area
haha hopefully i can make it all in time
lol
tuesday working again
zZz
tired already
this months pay go into a few things i guess
haha
oh well
see how la
i need to lose weight!!!

sian.
i totally forgot when did i last blog
haha
oh well
my week was
hmmm
monday worked till 6
tuesday had a meeting from 3 to 5
wednesday had work in the morning till 3
after which i went home to rot
haha
yesterday went out for dinner and movie with mj and jy
totally forgot to take photo
haha
we went jurong point
crystal jade la mian xiao long bao for dinner
after that where got ghost
i seriously cannot watch horror
zZz
even comedian horror
zZz
half the time i was behind my hands or eye lids
zZz
zoee lousy!!!
anyway i'm gonna go hit the shower soon
intend to leave house early
gonna (finally) head to ssdc to register for btt
i'm thinking i can get everything done by next cny
can go back and rent a car
drive my granny around
(:
and i found out when's mid autumn fest already
oh and working later as well
gonna walk rasQ first
ciao

sian diao
whole of last week was working
can die
really
monday morning
tuesday 1230 to 11
wednesday camp 645 to 7?
thursday camp 645 to 10?
and i totally overslept
set the wrong time
haha
friday 1030 to 11
saturday 1130 to 4
then rush home for steamboat
sunday 1130 to close
monday 1030 to 6 again
today off also like no off
had to go back for meeting
zZz
sian la
damn tired
anytime can knock out for hours
just to wake up with aches
old already la
zZz

okay
i spend like 5 hours watching anime?
haha
this is what i do for my rest day of the week?
omg man
tomorrow i'm doing full
oh by the way,
my cable digital box is toast
now i have to squeeze in a trip to the centre as well
dang
my plan for wednesday and thursday changed as well
camps
2 days only
atleast i get to see rasQ
oh well
still need to get other things done
michelle's not online now
so cant skpe her
i need to go sleep soon as well
need to wake up early for pcb before work
dang
i'm still deciding what to do next week
mj's starting uni
i have to find my school
i have to decide what to do for the big day
also squeeze in time for steamboat shopping
argh
cramped up schedule
i still need to get my psp settled
sigh
need more energy or more time!!!

i have been updating in awhile
been working since my dad left
i'm really trying to kill myself
maybe it's a good form of distraction as well
i havent found my school yet
and it's the beginning of august already
oh well
i have things to look out for in the next 1 week
but i dont know when will i have time
next week i'm packed again
i've been working non stop for 2 weeks
next week would be
monday, work till 3
tuesday, pcb then working till night
wednesday, camp
thursday, camp
friday, full shift of work
saturday, work till 4 then rush home for steamboat
sunday, full.
oh man
i have to squeeze my research in between everything then
still need to search for other things other then just my school
i need to search for a holiday place
plus i'm thinking of finding my job attachment for after october
a lot of things to do, a lot of time
but no motivation
usual
time to get your ass off, zoee

sorry for the late entries this week
couldnt go online coz i wasnt in the mood
coz...
my week started off badly
i pushed my work from tuesday to monday morning
replacing roy till 6 on monday
i left house on 1130 am
and i was working at 1230
my dad was suppose to call me to let me know where we were going for dinner
so that i know where to go
he didnt, so i called him after work
and he tells me this
rasQ ran out
i totally flipped
went down to the atm to get cashed and cabbed home
damn ride cost 30 bucks and 45 minutes
zZz
dang
by the time i reach back is like 650?
omg
and she ran our like after 1130?
6 hours head start
i quickly rushed up to my house, hoping that it was a joke
when it wasnt, i changed into shorts and slippers immediately and started my search
i tried to cover as much ground as possible while there were still light
search from the estate beside mine all the way to the mrt station,
not knowing where she could have gone
first day no result
we stopped the search around 8
coz the sun is down
so we had dinner
a totally silent dinner
and after that
all i did was stare out of my house to the garden below hoping that someone found her and was searching for her owner as well by bringing her out for a walk
still nil
for once in dont know how long
i totally cried myself to sleep that night
what a cruel joke to me
coz my reason for not doing an overseas study is partly coz of rasQ
the next morning, tuesday
i just automatically got up at 8am
washed up and just left the house
continue to search
this time, up the blocks
on the 8/9/10 storey of my block
i heard a bark from the opposite block, around the same level as well
so i tried that block next
i found her there
she was found by the lady, ann
rasQ at that time, was chasing a group of malays and she was running in circles
big, big circles
i really have to thank God for letting me find her back again
i dont know what i'll do if i lose her

yes! i finally got my laptop
white fujitse S6420
wee!!!!
got it yesterday at funan
i dont know if it's cheap
but finally i got a laptop!!!
dad's back for a week i think
which is fine with me
since he got me the laptop
he's going to kL after that
then only heading back to hongkong
so far my next week's plan is...
monday nothing
tuesday maybe work
wednesday sending michelle off and maybe supper
thursday sending dad off and maybe work
friday maybe work
saturday paintball session
oh oh oh
and i have movie date with tan jin yan and ang minjia
harry potter
hmmm
should go check up on that soon

zoee's getting sick soon!!!

and i so dont like people not replying messages

i've been having a really bad week
broke down on wednesday
nearly broke down yesterday on the way home
over some news which i was prepared for
just that i was hoping i was wrong
and i was disappointed that i wasnt wrong
i had work from thursday till saturday
had dinner with jin yan and the rest on friday night
went for walks after that
monday and tuesday i had camp
and i fell in camp
scrapping my knee
the last time i had such a bad fall was like 2 years ago
it's not my week

maybe it's just the little liquid in my system
but this is for me to know
not for any one else to guess who i'm talking about
it's 20 minutes to midnight
20 minutes to your birthday
i dont know
things happen recently
and i really wished that you were still here
to share with me what you think
to be with me as i decide on the path to thread on
i really thought about being just a regular 21 year old
deciding with someone
how my life should be like
where should i go from here
it's been like 6 years?
coming 5 years atleast
and i'm still missing you
a lot

sucky day
tired from work
came home
checked my mails
and i have 380 to settle
inclusive of an additional 40 for late payment
what the hell
not my day
so not my day
my leg's still feeling weird at certain times
it's gonna leave a huge scar i think
dang
as if me as a whole isnt scarred for life
stupid
tomorrow another working session
and limping for dinner
argh!!!
frustration
i'm damn tired of things going on and not going on right now

back after 2 days of camp
sunday had yl's chalet
had mahjong session most of the time
no money of course
haha
i dont agree to gambling =x
anyway
monday was the first day of camp
this time was easier on me
haha
coz there are 2 instructors per group
plus i fell and scrapped my knee
-.- lousy
haha
oh well
currently limping on my right
haha
it's been a while since i fell
hurts man
oh well
nothing really interesting happen through out the 2 days
so yeah
oh well
starting work tomorrow again
zZz
shall go play with rasQ later

a whole day of working in coldside after a week totally did my shoulder in
totally overworked my right shoulder
today's sentosa got canceled
and i'm stuck at home
went out to get yl's present with mj though
but other then that
i'm home
i can continue sleeping i guess
my eyes wanna shut down
but i dont feel like sleeping
oh well
old is old
haha
work yesterday was...
let's just say i didnt really like it
it's been awhile since i work with...
others
and it wasnt a good experience
maybe it's me
maybe it's not
i dont know
but i dont like
that's all
going to yl's 21 tomorrow
think i'll clean the house tomorrow morning
wash another round of clothes and others tonight
and pack my camp stuff tomorrow as well
then it wont be a rush for me on monday morning
hope it's a good experience
i wanna learn more since i wont be heading for studies anytime soon i guess

argh
shag!!!
had 3 days of camp, day camps
but had to wake up like 5 in the morning just to travel to clementi area by 645 ish
omg hell
seriously
shouldnt really comment much about camps though
like so...
oh well
rush to pcb yesterday coz i wont be free for pcb tomorrow
haha
rush to sandy's chalet after that
no matter how shag i am, the sudden sabo by sara into the pool totally knock fatigue back into hibernation
thanks!
great party, good food.
wonderful company.
had a great time with the girls, and glenn
haha
had an embarrasing moment when anna decided to be match maker
omg
knocked out at 3 coz i really couldnt take it
slept till 9 plus
went off with glenn to pasir ris
after that i totally cabbed home to snooze and charge phone
then as usual, late to meet jin yan, michelle, mj and sean
hey! atleast i showed up (LOL, inside joke)
had lunch/ tea with them
but to me, it's breakfast, lunch and dinner
haha
had chili's, my first time
had this burger and oh man, it's good
the beef pattie was AWESOME
walked around a bit and went home
i boarded the train which ends at yishun
so oh well, went to yishun and decided to meet my junior
so long didnt see her >.<
3 years
haha
had starbucks and we set down to chat for like an hour plus, 2?
then went home
ooo i bought a new toy for rasQ
and she likes it!!!

brought rasQ to the vet on friday morning
she's on medication for 2 weeks :(
so i'm more or less cancelling my over stay and all for camps till july
so no more not going home zoee
only exception if you want is 24
that's all
but that depends i guess
anyway
i better go offline soon
cymon wants to use
zZz
i only get to use 10 minutes
what the hell

spend my whole day cleaning house
haha
finally finish everything by 830
my typical way of cleaning would be...
do A a little
then do B a little
when i feel like it
go back to A if not settle for C
haha
thus the taking my own sweet time cleaning session
haha
so zoee
lame
anyway gonna hit work tomorrow
12 to 1030
wonderwoman!!!
oh well
havent work for 2 weeks
haha
i need to go to the army market again
to get booties
think i'll get some zip lock bags too


for once,
my intuition is wrong
i dont know if i should be happy or sad about it
haha

rasQ's bored because i'm not playing with her
i finally did my grocery shopping today
though i'm suppose to clean the house
haha
oh well
tomorrow i'll clean the house and my room
like finally
did the laundry and folding of clothes today as well
went for briefing earlier
the thing about me is that i always have a feeling of pulling myself out
because i'm scared
and i know if i did
i wont learn anything
shucks
i didnt, thank goodness
had dinner with junli, yl, jin yan and junli's cousin
after that went home
i need to go to the army market soon to get the stuff for camp
me need booties!!!
and other stuff as well
i'm deciding right now if i should kill myself from 29 to the 3
argh
i shall go play with rasQ
havent done that in 2 weeks
poor girl

bugged by the same issue for 2 days
finally got my peace yesterday night
not gonna let it bother me for now
kinda uploading photos from the last ubin trip
but dont know why
facebook is taking a looooonnnnnggggg time to upload them
zZz
i have to leave house in 30 minutes
and i havent even shower
thanks to fb
zZz
upcoming things to do for the week
prepare for next camp
deciding if i should go clubbing tomorrow night
might be having dinner with mj and junli
having work on thursday
friday's shopping and dinner with michelle and the rest
saturday doing night
hmmm
that is like so me
i think i shall organize a beach outing soon
i miss the sea, the sun and the sand

hmmm
somethings were uncalled for
that's all i can say
bringing out such unnecessary incident in a supposedly happy occasion
hmmm
each to their own thinking and understanding
but i will say i did not regret what i did back then
because i have my priorities in mind

i really hoped that it was a success
for the birthday girl
and the organizer
others, i dont really care about it right now
of course there are still like another one that i'm worried about
i think most of us are worried about that
hope everything turns out okay
and i'm really sorry that it had to happen during our fun
i'm supposed to be able to tell the right from wrong
sorry, get well soon yeah?

had camp the past few days
first camp in years
and first camp in a different sense too.
quite fun actually
i got quite a nice tan already
LIKE FINALLY!!!
anyway
went for ubin again today
i know i know
i'm killing myself
but who cares right?
haha
went for more sun tanning and cycling
SHIOK arh
haha
so nice to be cycling
i'll upload the pictures on facebook soon
my brother wants to use the com soon

hmmm
better i guess
or rather just not thinking about issues
been working mid shifts for 2 days
and tuesday was night
tomorrow would be 3
but before that
i have to get to clarke quey to get some stuff done
working on saturday
so feel like just calling in sick
haha
lame
oh well
things to do
1) get stuff for monday
2) get stuff for next week
3) clean house
4) shower rasQ
5) celebrate birthday
1 and 3 and 4 hopefully can get it done on sunday
or maybe i wake up earlier tomorrow
have to leave house by 1140
omg
must wake up like 7?
haha
2 at most get next wed
hmmm

confusion.

headache.

i dont want to think.

i couldnt find a blog skin that i want
so i'm just going back to basic
the song would go by my mood
and believe me when i say my mood is down now
i really dont know what the hell are you doing
it's like i finally agree
and now you're cold to me
and it feels like shit
should i make it worse?
i'm the one sick
i dont know what's going on
you're making me feel awful
and it sucks
big time
since you dont want to reply me
then i guess we can forget about meeting up before i go off
maybe you'll cool down then
i tried my best to contact you
i texted and msn-ed since i cant talk
and no replies
nada
it's like you dont care
at all

urgh
i feel like i'm back during the weekends
of my heeren
kinda shag
but it was fun
full consecutive
night before first
night again later
guess this is what i can push till only third
third i already have something on
fourth is gone
while crashing the first two
i need to check up on Us
and fast
guess i have the time for awhile from tomorrow onwards


i would say the world would know soon
if some people wont shut
when that happens
believe me
i'll blow my top

so feel like changing blog skin
but so lazy
and no time of course
shhh
hahaha
i finally made what i used to
atleast for last month
considering now is like april
kinda sad that my third home closed down
no more work there
so sad
CHA finally called
and i got my first assignment
got to think about unis already
considering today is the first day of may already
argh
think think think
zZz
nevermind
gotta crash in soon
need to wake up for work later
so i'm just gonna make it short
on what i really wanted to say
for the first time in a long while
i started admiting who my best friend is again

i dont know
kinda pissed now
quite actually
i mean like what the hell was it at work man
then apparently some poeple say it means something
but still dont bother to reply
like what the hell
WHAT THE HELL

cold, misery
tension, tears
some of the things i went through the past 48 hours
horrible

still drain from it
for once in a long long time
i couldnt call my third home,
home

it was cold, tense,
fake, rejected
it felt like you standing
alone against the world

all you feel is fear
loneliness
rejected, dejected
in the cold cold atmosphere

on top of that
feeling the issue before
wondering what to do
how to do

searching for the better ways
understanding better
hoping better
and snap!

for once in 4 months
i can feel it flow
like tap and water
for atleast an hour, unstoppable

even now, drips here and there
it's everything that you kept in
pouring out now
just through the little crack

tired, drain
i want a break
i need a break
before i break again


those suppose to be there wasnt there
doubt you two even know
at the end
the only one who knew
is a friend

there are things i dont know what to do
somethings i dont know how to handle
make that a lot of those things

i tried thinking about it
try to figure out what to do
but to no results

changing my style in life
doing things normally i dont do

i havent been blogging in awhile
things happened
i thought about things
my dad came back for my graduation
which was on tuesday morning
kinda boring and scary
but just hoo haa with STA one last time
got pissed at the fact that you cant even act as hi bye friends
but only as phone buddies

it's really frustrating
when you know that you can spare some time for someone
and the person keep asking
though the person knows you cant
it's like what's the point of that person asking
you know how difficult it is to say no again
especially since the person knows why you cant arrange a meet up
so all you thought would help is that text more
which the person stops halfway
you know how irritating is that?
the person can text you twice when you dont reply
and when you do,
the person refuse to reply

then there is scenario 2 where you dont even ask that someone to go out
and all you want is just text?
a wave?
and hip hip hooray
all you get is just a reply when the person is free
which would be like 5 minutes in 24 hours?
another frustration
irritance
annoyance

i hate it when people dont reply text

havent been blogging in awhile
turning my life around a little
atleast during the last weekends
which was quite a change for once
had the right meals
and the right sleep
turn out on friday was good
like it
saturday was good too
went www with junli, her cousins and yL
stayed over for chalet
mj came along too
we went to my favourite place to see stars
lovely stars
i miss it
seriously
sunday was all jumbled up
in terms of sleep
oh well
it's fine with me

i miss hogging the phone
i feel like a fool
thanks a lot

i caught a glimpse of your shadow today
maybe it's more then a glimpse
it's the type where i'm afraid
and i refuse to open pandora's box
ever again
not even if you ask and beg

i think at the end i'm still afraid of one thing
i dont want to be alone anymore
i need to learn to walk alone
in this lonely road

hmmm
spend the day recovering from yesterday's ubin trip
but i shall rewind
and blog from saturday onwards
i tried working on saturday
it turns out that the job i thought it was wasnt what i thought it was
and on top of that, it was what i didnt want to do at all
sales!
omg, no way!
so i left early
went to ny to wait for jasmine
headed down to the it fair
i so wanted to get an mp3
an external hard disc
another laptop
argh
so many things
no kah-ching to buy
anyway we had new york new york for dinner
after that went to the fountain to talk even more
haha
after that we took the train home
i totally zonked out in the train all the way home
i was so tired by the time i reach home
i just showered and sleep
i totally forgot to set my alarm
i nearly overslept on sunday if jasmine hadnt called
sunday the big day, ubin!!!
haha
took the bus to meet the ny crew at tampines
i wasnt the latest though i overslept
haha
ah boi, glenn, su, anna and sara was there
then came siew chin and jasmine
after that was sandy, yvonne, pauline, herrsong and his friend, brenda arrived
haha
the best thing was yvonne and the prank we did
haha
shall elaborate another day if not she'll kill me
haha
we met paul at changi village for lunch
headed in after that
and it started raining after out lunch
zZz
oh well
rain or shine, tsunami or not, we go, no plan B xD
anyway we went to the mountain bike park trail initially
it started raining
and we kinda made a temporary shelter by the lake
haha
smart arent we
after a while
finally realising that the rain wont end that fast
we decided to cycle in the rain
haha
and we did
laughing, laming, chatting all the way
haha
went over for seafood after we headed back
went to cycle the chek jawa trail after seafood
haha
nice view, nice walk, nice weather
haha
headed back to the jetty
yvonne had a little bike problem
so at the end we had a little switching and helping
after that, we quickly returned the bike
coz we had to take the last boat back
haha
oh well
all of us went home after that
haha
more photos to upload soon
most of them are with jasmine and anna
haha
gonna get them from fb (:
really hope you guys had fun
though i'm not a very good organizer ):

first day and i already overslept
worse of all
i had a nightmare
i dont know why you have to be in it
nor do i know why you had to make it a nightmare
nor do i know why you even bother to make an appearance in my life
i can seriously sit here and cry
damn it
i already called my manager
ans she let me start on monday
but i'm still stunned by your appearance
and it's my dream
so why even in my dream
you had to make it a nightmare
why?

argh
sometimes i just feeling migrating?
just freaking start a new life
at a foreign country
find new life
new strangers
making new friends
and basically just away from things that ruins my life
sounds good?
i need a break from it all
i'm starting something new on friday
wish me all the best for it
i wont break this like how i break everything else
i think
i hope
i wish
i'm going to bed now
blog more when i'm up

hmmm
it's been good
yesterday i think
i was finally for once dead beat at 1 shift at work
sort of anyway
haha
we had a good chat
and we understand each other's point of view
give or take
and we'll do it better (:
loves
going to work later too
dinner before that
hope it's not a boring night

i dont even know why you bother to message
saying it's not that
it's not this
but apparently it is
coz as usual
you stopped as usual
after you find out what you want
you are such a liar

hmmm
woke up for breakfast with deb, wenqi and her friend this morning at mac
those three came from club hopping
deb was hyper as usual
the other two was puking or trying to puke
haha
anyway we had chats and breakfast together
or atleast for some two people
puking and not puking xD
anyway
after they went home
i headed home to snooze as well
woke up around 2 ish
and had a call from jasmine
about my cheque arrival
and banking coz jasmine offered to help bank it in
with the request of a good friend sandy
i made an unwanted call
which had no pick up
which is good enough for me
since my good friends then said nevermind
went for dinner with cs and jy (:
had swensens
then went to catch he's just not that into you
nice show (:
nice show

curiousity kills the cat
a famous saying
an experienced factor
a usual feeling

what happens when you cant embrace it,
and you cant ignore it?

what if you make a mistake again,
and again,
and again?

what if you lived happily,
and it came back to haunt you again?
what does it mean?

all this IFs
but no answer

everyone seems to be going
but i'm still here
anchored and mounted here
by unfulfilled promises

for once in three weeks
i felt my old friend back
name- emo -.-
it started on monday
and guess what
it's still on going
i'm so not happy about it
this is so unfair
seriously unfair
i couldnt even spend monday night properly with baby
i was troubled deep down inside
though i dont show it out to baby
to me seriously
i think it's affecting me and baby
the way i act and all
i wasnt even concentrating at work just now
i kept on thinking like how i used to think
things to do and all
what i want to do and all
affecting me in everyway
i'm sorry baby

hmmm
oh well
feel like i wasted my saturday for nothing
should have just gone to work in the evening
but oh well
atleast i went for dinner and coffee with brenda
my aunt came today with her family
dropped by for awhile before heading for a wedding
before that i went to ntuc
to get some stuff for her to bring home to my granny and my aunt
i bought them chocolates, sweets, chips
anyway went pastamani with brenda
had ceasar salad and spicy chicken
after that went starbucks to sit and chat
had java chip and no whip
brenda had white mocha, low fat, less sweet, EXTRA WHIP
oh well
so much for being healthy xD
i'm going to get stuff on monday
clean up my house tomorrow
also get stuff to cook
no more kah ching to always eat out xD
i miss my baby

hmmm.
some unnecessary comments given to things i wrote totally annoyed me on fb yesterday
oh well
forget about that
i'm looking at rasQ now
eating her greenbone
coz i dont wanna play with her
xD
oh well
went out after work today with baby
had new york new york
after that, went for a walk and talk session
we totally had a fun conversation today
unique and curious
haha
anyway going for sushi dinner tomorrow with baby
and i need to find another job
going broke going out with baby ):

hmmm
i went out for dinner yesterday with baby
went to ps for dinner
thai express
yum!
havent had that in a while
tom yam
woo!
anyway after that went to walk around
checked out handphone for cymon
went to dota after that
anyway
went for interview today
kinda got the job i think
hahaha
anyway went to work with sandy today
missed her
havent seen and worked with her for a month
coz of her exams
oh well
welcome back xD

back from chalet.
went over on friday after morning work at coldside
went to hang out with jade and the rest
there was brenda weeling jilliene pauline anna and sara
anyway
had a snooze and woke up for work on saturday night
after that went back to chalet again
stayed over with jade brenda and weeling
karaoke the night away
haha
sort of
anyway
i'll be back later

today was great
had steamboat with mj and junli
totally missed those girls
it's like the only poly people that still bothered to keep in touch
had steamboat at bugis
tom yam and chicken stock (for me xD)
we totally ate from 7 to 10
3 hours straight
and as usual i get complained for eating veges
zZz
oh well
i miss veges =x
anyway i hope you guys had fun
let's do it again
misses

maybe i should be what junli is like
not care
since i'm not meeting you guys ever again
or rather chances are rather low
unless you all bother to show up
or some of you bother not to lie as usual
coincidence?
i doubt it
say i doubt it i dont care
coz at the end of the day
you say it's a new you
quality doesnt mean quantity
you dont show it
at all
as usual
i'm just the idiot who believes what my so called best friend said
and totally feel lied to and tricked
for doing what a best friend should do
BELIEVE

been home 2 days
cleaning
playing with rasQ
spending time with rasQ
thinking of you
enjoying alone time
i get to spend time with rasQ
before my week got busy
tomorrow's steamboat
thursday's work
friday's chalet
saturday's work
sunday's picnic with you
i need another job
one that keeps me occupied
and pays better
oh well
finding finding finding
i get to see mj and junli tomorrow! (:
jade pauline anna sara brenda and gang on friday! (:

hmmm.
azimah had a magic 8 ball
and i like the answers i got from it

question 1
did i make the right choice?
answer: outcast 75%

question 2
how real is it?
answer: not now
(i dont like this answers though)

question 3
is this the one
answer: that is ALMOST for sure
( i loved this answer)

i'm gonna play with azimah's magic 8 ball more
haha

argh
still sick
hahaha
no more sore throat though
anyway
went for interviews yesterday
hope they are good
going for sushi with the gang later
hopefully i can eat without choking
argh
double argh
i just lost my ez link
zZz
lame!
oh man

frustration
annoyance
irritance
i have two matters at hand
which is on my mind
troublesome in a way
i should have just followed su's example
and go around where i like till i'm happy and come back
argh
firstly
i cant decide what i want
i know i'm making you annoyed
it's like i dont like giving more then i should now
i know brenda says it's just a name
but without the name
i dont feel obliged to stay
it's i dont know?
independence?
atleast we seem better now
second issue was organizing
i'm trying my best
it's like one of my guy friends birthday
and i thought friends like us would want to celebrate with him
seems like it's not
out of the people i messaged
two didnt reply
birthday boy didnt wanna reply me
girlfriend not helping
and i'm the one trying to organize things
frustration

zoee is sick ):
after a day of working full shift
the workaholic zoee fell ill
hot and cold through the friday night
woke up with body ache on saturday
didnt wanna go work at all
i woke up as though all my joints are upside down
nick let me off early on saturday
i went home to snooze immediately
couldnt take it at all
woke up this morning feeling better
but guess what
i did the wrong thing
i had sushi for lunch
and it made my throat worse
now i cant bear to talk much
argh
stupid zoee
thank goodness the next time i'm working is wednesday
anyway
i finally did my shopping today
and also to clean up the house
mopped
bathroom and all
oh well
job hunting with wenqion tuesday
meeting michelle on wednesday morning
working on wednesday night
sushi with the gang on thursday
work on friday and saturday
i still have slots to fill up
interested anyone?
haha

hmmm
i was thinking of something
but i lost my train of thoughts
i dont know
i know i've not been updating in a while
but i have my reasons
oh well
rasQ is coming home tomorrow
misses

vanish without a trace
gone as the day

do you know what is seriously annoying?
the fact that an ill tempered and easily emotional person
has to take other people's ill temper
when all the initial person was listening
to what happened around the second person's life
in short
here i am trying to ask hows life to someone
and that person blew everything on me
as though i am not trying to help
the chosen speech pattern was vulgar
and all i said was mind your language
at this hour
and a new me
i didnt blow back
and of course still it doesnt mean that i wont feel like boiling
coz apparently i'm rather annoyed with it
so much for being nice

hmmm
i found replacement for work today
i had loads to do
spring cleaning in the morning
rush down to town to meet jia yan in the early afternoon
went there to purchase royal jelly
had lunch at diners with jia yan and xing yue
the steak was a little too over done
but oh well
anyway
went to meet brenda and azimah to get some stuff
after that i went back home
brought rasQ out to the field to run
then shower
and here i am again

illusion of the heart?

went back to the chalet today
left su pauline sara and sara's friend
i met von and sandy at the shuttle bus pick up point
after that we waited for the 6 pm shuttle bus
but it didnt come
so yeah
ended up waiting for glenn
then we cabbed over
reach there just in time to see the girls have dinner
after that we spend our time playing cards
poker and dai di
dai di penalty- push ups
poker penalty- water drinking
gerald popped by at 9 plus
went for dinner at the bowling alley
after that we took the last shuttle out of the place
stopped at admiralty for more talks
and he left at 12 to go home
i need to go snooze soon

i dont believe in you anymore

went to su's chalet yesterday
the place so ulu
hahaha
i didnt get my chance to sit by the beach
and just enjoy the stars
i miss that
anyway had steamboat yesterday
plus a late birthday celebration for su
i totally didnt take any photo
lazy
hahah
got some only
so go face book to check
anyway
after the whole cake and sing song celebration
we went out to the beach to have some water bomb
and sabo fest for su
eggs and chocolate
oh i forgot to mention
brave su consumed chocolate voluntarily
haha
anyway
after that had the whole throw into the pool session
left the place with brenda at 3 plus

i saw an unfamiliar face in the crowd
give me a good reason to accept the invitation

maybe i'm feeling stress
an hour time difference and
bham, wham, feel like shit
i think is the fyp
atleast i had distraction early
and my brain was just telling me
presentation is tomorrow
an hour later
and i'm feeling like shitting
maybe coz i know that i no longer can say fyp is tomorrow
rather fyp is when i wake up
i guess because of that
i dont even want to sleep now
1140
count down
10 hours plus

when i felt like that
i wanted to talk to you
i dont care what is the topic
i just needed to calm down
stupid request

i just realise
i have a tendency to write from bottom up
in a way
my thoughts first
then my entry
i realise my blogging has gotten lively-er
in tone
but does it mean i'm back
let's see how long it last
coz i dont think i'm back
no school today
another day at home
i'm leaving home soon
but i should get some stuff done first

i wonder
how long would it take to realise
unless it is published
how long will it take to realise
if it is hidden
how long before it is realised
that it's gone

in class now
dont know what to say
stoning at times
actually stoning all the way
thank goodness i didnt say yes to ken for sunday
i'm going out for shooting
i dont know
thought of spending time with rasQ
oh well
i'm stoning

a mistake
useless conversation
speechless

i'm lazy to plug my phone to my laptop
oh well
spend the whole day at home
reading comics
doing nothing
watching tv
learning the guitar
oh my right?
anyway
today was totally uneventful
think i'll go wash clothes
and give rasQ a shower
fold some clothes
and go sleep
having school tomorrow

someone ask me today
do i have any one i hate?
my answer?
hate? no
dislike, yes
but come to think about it, i just pity that person

went to the airport yesterday
i was there at 1030
like wow
at night anyway
went to send yan yan off
nothing much to say
maybe i should let the visuals do the talking
once i uploaded them
should be later or tomorrow
sneezing now
lack of sleep
tc drove us home
thanks (:

i saw a familiar face in the crowd
looking at me but i dont know why
the face tells me that i'm not proud
because after all this while we didnt say hi

it feels like a nightmare to you of slow pace
that i was the one smiling
and you were feeling so out of place
feeling so out from any talking

maybe i'm wrong thinking this way
knowing how off my intuition is
the again maybe i dont deserve to be thinking this way
disrupting my life of peace

thought of taking a step forward
based on what i heard
but i fear the pain that would hollar
right into the core or the heart

tell me what to do

woke up at 12
was late in meeting michelle for retail
sorry ):
anyway thanks for accompanying me (:
and also tolerating with my nonsence shopping
and also gave me advices on my
i manage to get some shopping done
got a jacket
my black one is fading
got 2 polos
a pair of shorts
a pair of shoes
a top
i'm still short of slippers
and berms
and some tops
but it's okay
get it done some other time
atleast now i have something new to wear
was late in meeting the rest for dinner with jin yan at newton
ordered a lot
totally forgot about visuals here
but the after dinner activity there was
so i'll just let the visuals tell the story
more with mj

woke up at 12
rot till 445
and went out to bugis
third day there
was quite a slam compared to yesterday
better but not the best
due to smaller space
it seems to have given me a headache
nevermind
i'll get used to it
just that i wonder how much i need to hit 500
it's like never
went for supper with glenn
and went home after that
having green tea while blogging now
sleep later

it's no longer because it's not the words
it's no longer because it's the delivery
but it's just to
fake a smile to see the world round

woke up at 11 ish 12
decided to cook spagetti
since i already bought the items
and i cant cook the sauce
it taste awful
should just do aglio olio
wash clothes
ate lunch while waiting for the washing machine
watched some tv too
had ut
so showered and hung the clothes before 330
rush to school for ut
did it on paper
rush of to work
i ended up early
went kino to find eclipse
it was sold out
work was okay
different
but i still miss the old one
after work went supper with glenn and sandy
had a long chat
cabbed home after that
my pay today went to the ride home
nevermind
i showered and i'm going to sleep soon

fake a smile to see the world round

went to work
it was boring at first
died
covered 3 stations today
which is technically a huge no no in my opinion
cashier host and wait a
funnie combination
going to try again soon

silence
in the middle of the night
not even the sound of my mind thinking
i dont want to hear you
i read things
due to curiosity of the heart
and i can hear the mind thinking
ticking
working
i dont like it
i like to be brain dead
not thinking
not me
not alive
perfect
sleep is where i go now

think not
leave now
i'm going
class ended
dont feel like staying
i'll email david my rj
go bugis walk awhile
maybe check out the bookstore
see if i can find the book i want
do the rj tomorrow
hopefully tonight is a good night
going going gone

count down to yan yan's farewell dinner
4 days
looking forward for the gathering
since it is meant for yan yan
anyway
didnt do anything today
went out at 4
purpose is to collect my pot from jun li
dropped by to see if popular has eclipse and breaking dawn
went to get rasQ more treats
did some groccery shopping
nick just called
i'm to be at bugis at 530 instead
okay
tomorrow first day of work
new place
new staff
new style
orh
i'm going retail therapy on sunday
need to get some stuff
thanks michelle

second day of school
i didnt meet up with michelle to come school this morning
i'm still sick
cold all day
flu
i slept during break and after school while waiting for michelle and jin yan
had lunch with norman mj jin yan
walked to causeway point with norman jin yan and michelle
came home to cook dinner
then slept/ napped
from 8 to 11
everytime i wake up
i'll continue sneezing again
i shall go back to sleep

let me do this once more
once more in 2009
and this is the end
i hate you to the core
till the ends of the world
i hope this ends
i want to get out
because if this i how you treat friends, i rather not
end

new year resolution
i dont think i wanna fill much on this
coz i've never been much of a follow the schedule kind of person
so i'll make mine simple

i just wanna be happy